I have become obsessed with my reddit karma score. I check it more often than I check my email. I need to know I’m worth something. I need to know that people like the things I say. It is consuming me.
I have a friend who, in my less charitble moments, I think poorly of for how insecure xe is. Then I check my reddit score. Because, you know, I’m so self-assured.
The part of me who is desperate for someone to love thinks that having a relationship would solve this, that if I had a girl to come home to I’d know I was worth something, and wouldn’t need this number to prove it. It is, of course, bullshit.
How do I stop this? How do I feel like I’m worth something without a number telling me so? I want to believe I’m worth something.