Over the Shoulder Boulder Holders

I am now in gleeful possession of two (2) fabulous bras. I owe this chiefly to my friends A (for amazingly awesome, because she is) and S (for Slytherin because when she wants to, she makes Voldemort look like a pussy).

Two weeks ago, A took me to Ross, where I learned the basics of bras and got acclimated to standing near them without fleeing in shame and terror. The bra we purchased that day ended up being insufficient–it was far too small, and caused pain if worn for more than fifteen minutes– but the experience was invaluable, and taught me what to look for my second time, and helped me gain confidence in the notion that this was a task I could master.

Today, S took me first to a local specialty shop called The Pencil Test where the proprietor said that she doesn’t do measuring (in a specialty shop?) and only carries D cups and above. For S’s sake, I let it drop at the time, but let us say I find it highly suspicious that a small, locally owned store would limit itself in such a manner. But S was nothing if not game, and we trekked onward to Victoria’s Secret, where she introduced me to the saleslady and explained my situation while I was busy unpeeling my tongue from the roof of my mouth.

I have to say that for a large corporation that built its empire on the body insecurities of women who are not paid lavishly to hold to a strict diet and exercise seven hours a day, the staff at VC are quite friendly and helpful, even to the lost and scared transchick who is having difficulty speaking.

I cannot overstate how important it is to me that I have people who are willing to do this for me. Even if they only walk in the store with me and break the ice, it is a huge boost. That is more than I could do for myself. Transitioning is difficult and scary and painful. The tallest wall is my own fear that I’m doing something wrong, that I shouldn’t be allowed to do this, that I’m not  worthy of doing this. It is vital that I have people willing to stand on the other side of that wall, and over to help me climb. I feel so grateful that I have such wonderful women welcoming me into the club and offering me help.

One of the dirty little secrets of the trans femme experience is that even though we make a lot of noise about how our genders are as valid as any cis persons–and they are!–a lot of us crave cis acceptance that we’re Doing It Right, even if there is no one right way to do it. We want to know that we’re not making ourselves into absurd monstrosities (by which I mean that terrifying stereotype of the hypermasculine tranny under a thin veneer of mascara, not genderqueer or bigender folks). We help each other, swap tips, provide support, certainly. But we also look for outside cues, indications from our cis sisters that we’re not off the trail, making fools of ourselves in the bushes. I am profoundly lucky to have plenty of cis women who wish to welcome me, take me by the elbow, and help me find my way.

Without my friends, I wouldn’t have the guts to stand in a bra store and admit I’m not shopping for a girlfriend. Because I have women who will help me out, I finally feel like I have a complete wardrobe. I wear a bra and finally feel like my body might be acceptable someday. Someday soon.

So, A: thank you.

S: Thank you.

To all the other cis girls who have helped me, and to any cis girls in the future who may yet lend a hand: thank you.

(PS: oh my Goddess, these things are amazing! It’s like bam! Boob in yo face!)


17 thoughts on “Over the Shoulder Boulder Holders

  1. Congratulations! Welcome to the International Association of Brassiere Owners. May your straps always be comfortable and you cups filled 🙂

  2. How wonderful!

    FWIW, the ideas of what actual size is a given cup size letter trends to vary greatly beyond D/DD. My wife is in that range and has had everything from an E to H fit (same band size for all) so she had learned to try them on and know the signs of a proper fit. This isn’t to say measuring is useless, but it’s not definitive.

    Such specialty shops command prices, too, due to the scarcity. My wife’s bras are rarely less than $100 each.

    • Well I’m unlikely to ever reach D cups, much less exceed them, but I suppose that makes the current prices I’m paying easier to bear.

      • Give it time and it’s amazing how much growth can be achieved. I’ve reached C-Cup and they are still growing. The biggest growth comes post-SRS though. It’s worth waiting for.

  3. Hooray! You can now learn just how wonderful it feels to take your bra off after a long day; seriously, it’s the best feeling in the world. Well done you (in the least patronising way possible) for feeling able to take that step. That you found some wonderful assistants is brilliant; it can make all the difference. Heck, he last bra-fitter I saw was a sour-faced old cow who accused me of having armpit fat.

    If you ever need bra advice, ask away. I’ve been every size under the sun thanks to fluctuating weight and hormones, and I’m the Queen of Bras. I have so many, it’s disgusting.

    • I’m wearing them for a few hours at a time to get used to them. Tomorrow I’ll take one to work for the first time, and we’ll see how great that fabled end of day boob freedom feels.

      • It was…interesting. Less of a reaction than I thought. I still get misgendered pretty consistently, so I know I’m not passing. Sometimes I have to put my sweatshirt on to use the restroom because I’m just not up to walking across the production floor with a bra on.

        But at the same time, I feel like it is a real statement, and I pretty much don’t get seen in public without it anymore.

  4. for what it’s worth, i can tell you that The Pencil Test only carries D cups and above, which is sort of its point, pardon the pun though i don’t see why they’d refuse to measure…i mean, yeah, if they can’t sell you a bra that’s fine but someone with specific knowledge probably should at least offer to be useful, imho.

    • Yeah. I’ve got a friend with a big chest who says its common for specialty shops not to do measurings, since different brands size things differently. I still don’t understand how the circumference of one’s rib cage isn’t useful information, though…

      • yeah, because of the level of vanity sizing involved, it can be tricky, and i confess when i bought bras there there was no measuring so it might just be against her thing, idk. usually at like nordstrom they measure and then translate for the vanity sizing and that much of a courtesy would have been nice for you i imagine. it’s not like they probably don’t get plenty of women smaller than a D who go in there since there’s nothing saying that’s the smallest thing they carry so i don’t think explaining that could be new to her.

        of course now i’m somewhat torn about the idea of handing them my cash next go-round.

      • Well don’t let it prejudice you too hard. She wasn’t a bitch or anything, and she gave us a few pointers on what to look for, but she didn’t do much more than that. It was just a bit of a surprise which, at the time, seemed suspicious.

      • …fair enough, i will thus feel a little less guilty. it’s tricky to find stuff in my range that isn’t fugly and boring, and nordstrom can be okay but sometimes i feel really boob-judged and that’s no fun. thanks for the update. 🙂

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